Sunday, 10th October 2010, 20:00 hrs
The past several months have been relatively depressing for me in terms of work. Let me begin with the month of July, after my trip back to Singapore.
We first had a departmental heads' meeting for a day, followed by another morning of co-workers meeting. During the former, we discussed various issues of which 'fasting' was a heated one. We contributed our views and, at times, with force and rigour, even to the point of developing into a heated exchange. At the end, we did resolve most issues. However, to my realisation the following day, the discussion the day before had not gone down well with our dean, who began a personal diatribe the following day when it was his turn to speak about the academic aspect during the co-workers' meeting. I was taken aback by such unnecessarily personal and immature way of handling things,which upset me.
What made matters worse was that the discussion the previous day on whether or not 'day of fasting' should be made compulsory to all faculty as well, as it was made known to me, was motivated by the chaplaincy's desire to respond to a certain faculty's attitude during 'fasting' days in the past. And the 'certain faculty' apparently was me! I was flabbergasted, as it was so unnecessary for the chaplaincy to respond to me in such a manner. They could have first clarified with me, rather than simply listened to rumours. But no attempt was made to clarify with me, nor remind me of my lack of care in offering some students 'peanuts'. Apparently at some point I offered a student some 'peanuts' on a fasting day. But I could have forgotten it was a day of 'fasting', since our 'day of fasting and prayer' is usually just a day without food, without any other activities save the one and a half hour of prayer at the morning assembly.
Following the above saga, we began our first trimester with new students sharing their testimonies. Apparently, these students had been told what to do, how much time they were to spend on sharing, etc. But most of them either did not keep to the time, or simply spoke about all sorts of things, or both. Little seems to be done to improve the situation. On one occasion a faculty member was supposed to preach while our president would conduct the holy communion. But both the faculty member and president went beyond the time allocated to them. The faculty by 20 minutes, while the president took 25 minutes to conduct the holy communion. By the time we ended, it was 12:45 hrs and we had to cancel the announcement.
The following faculty meeting the chaplaincy raised the question of punctuality for discussion (I don't quite understand why there was a need for discussion at all, when the clock simply shows either we're on time or unpunctual!). I had originally decided not to say anything any more, but had decided to speak strongly about the matter. It was my suggestion that should a faculty, or a student, or even a guest speaker were to go over the time, without any sign of stopping, we should stop the person from continuing! Alas, this view of mine was and remains to be viewed as harsh, strong, of a different culture and principle and such like.
On Tuesday last week, i.e. 5th October, we had three students who went up to share. The first student took up almost 20 minutes, and still had the cheek to say he took only 18 minutes! The other two were speaking basically rubbish! When the first student did not seem to want to stop, despite two members of the chaplaincy waving to him from behind, I decided to raise my hand and hit hard on my watch with my other hand to catch his attention. This has become the talk of the seminary - everyone, practically, thinks I was wrong! But what was it that I did wrong? Why was it wrong?
The unfortunate thing is that I spoke to several other students and found out, to my horror, that they were not told of what they were supposed to say, and most were told only before the start of the assembly that they had 15 minutes to share. I have no opportunity to clarify with the person in charge. But I would be surprised the few students all tried to lie! With all this, now I am an even worse person. A student who is up there in the lecturn not sharing what he is supposed to share but uttering rubbish is right, whereas a lecturer who signals strongly is wrong while his fellow colleagues who are responsible for the assembly are not wrong when they fail to act decisively!
Before my trip back to Singapore on 30th Sept 2010, we had a meeting for the Dedication Camp committee on 29th Sept. The president was invited to sit in. During the beginning of the meeting my views on the number of days for the camp (one day or two days) and the theme happened to differ from those of another faculty member. I did raise the concern that we had a theme that matched our goal, and not introduce a theme that reflected a lack of depth. Perhaps at some points I spoke strongly on them (this is me!). After the meeting, the chairwoman, a fellow faculty member came and said to me, 'Thank you!' I was a little surprised as to why she should thank me and asked, 'Why are you thanking me?' She replied, 'Thanks for not quarrelling with Mr L'. I was initially surprised and then the surprise turned to incomprehension, and the incomprehension turned to displeasure. She further said it was because of her fear that I would quarrel with Mr L that she got the president to sit in the meeting.
I was quite displeased with the sort of unnecessary and unfounded presumptions. In the first place, I have never had a quarrel with the faculty member in question. Secondly, I fail to see what reasons she may have for thinking that I would pick a quarrel with the other colleague! Why me and not him picking a quarrel with me? Indeed, that particular faculty member did pick a quarrel with me once, on a personal level, by storming into my office and suggesting that I didn't know how to teach Greek. But that was all. I never believe in quarrelling with another person for no reason. In any case, I would never quarrel, indeed, I would never delight in quarrelling with a fool!
The other problem concerns the issue of the warden for the ladies hostel. Before the faculty decided to separate the males and females under a male faculty and a female faculty respectively, I had thought they should be separated. Out of respect for the former warden Mr P, I asked him (Mr P) if he would like to raise the matter, as I have thought of raising it. He replied that he would be the appropriate person to do so and would be most happy to raise it. However, after the faculty meeting Mr L the new warden was unhappy and so went to speak to Mr P about the decision. Mr P turned around and said that in fact he did not want to raise it, it was Mr Poon (that is, I) who asked him to raise it. He further spoke to the woman faculty member that he was willing to withdraw the proposal, since he was the one who first proposed it. Why should Mr P do such a thing? I never asked him to raise it. I only asked if he would like to raise it. Again, this upsets me quite a bit.
Recently I was told that our dean, during the 'day of fasting and prayer', prayed for the faculty. One of the things he said was that the faculty should not be proud. Some students have felt that that was a veiled reference to me. This reminds me of a lady student from China who said to me, when I walked out of one of the assemblies, that I gave the impression of being self-centred and that I was one cut above others. I cannot understand this sort of warped view of humility!
Just a week ago, the librarian came to me and said that the dean spoke to her about the arrangements for the library's opening hours on Saturday. Apparently, Mr P (the one who's in charge of MCSS) had spoken to the dean about the matter. I thought the SC (senior council) had already decided on this matter and that we were working on it, and I had further spoken to Mr P about the matter. Yet he has gone behind me to lodge a veiled complaint.
The above several issues are upsetting me very much. This is a place where people simply don't want to do things the proper way. They like to leave things as they are. When a person raises his concern, that person is proud, individualistic and a trouble-maker.
I am totally fed up and feel a terrible sense of regret for having thought and taken seriously the mission and goals of the seminary. I regret having given up all in Singapore, only to plunge into a seminary where people are so uninterested in serving God seriously. The concern is with how to make money, but never once is it mentioned how we can serve God more faithfully!
Do we mean business with God? I remember what Leonard Ravenhill once said, in his Why Revival Tarries? that when we fail to pray. But at our seminary we seem to be talking about prayer all the time. So what's happening? Well, I think that is more a play, a show, than serious praying.
I can only ask God for mercy... Meanwhile, I have decided to stop speaking and voicing my concerns, challenging any decision however stupid it may be, responding to what is happening at the morning assembly, giving any practical help such as finding part-time lecturers and the like. God willing, I shall exit this place as soon as possible...
