An Evening of Headaches...

Tuesday, 28th Oct. 2014; 2224hrs

Today was a rather easy going day, though I must say there were lots to do: marking of students' assignments, preparing hardcopies of lecture handouts, an afternoon of lectures on Acts 8 and Romans 3! By the time the day came to an end, i.e. when office hours ended at 1700hrs, my head was beginning to throb...

As usual, I needed my afternoon nap but didn't get it. I suppose the lack of the nap eventually led to the migraine headache. I have always said, as I've been told umpteenth time, that pain is one nature's way of telling us to slow down, take a breather and better still stop. Well, that was what I did and ended up getting more worried not doing anything since I have a book to complete and several other things to attend to... But this has seemed to be the pattern now: pressing on with plenty, only to have to stop when nature sends a headache to slow me down...

Yet in the midst of all these, my heart is somewhere... my mind is occupied with...well... and it was the same through last night...

This blogging in QQ seems quite interesting. I have two other blogs but haven't really done much for sometime now. But I must say, the best so far is that of the google's blogging (the former blogspot.com) experience. It comes with different templates and designs for you to choose from... so I'll see how this one looks. If it looks as dull and uninteresting as it now does, I'll simply copy-and-paste from here to there (google).

It's so unfortunate that this week I haven't had my run yet. Yesterday my schedule was disturbed by a classmate and today it's interrupted by the headache... Perhaps I should have an early rest and see if I can do my run on Thursday, the second of my usual jogging schedule for the week.

Today, Chung Yuan Christian University emailed me and asked if my documents were ready. I'm kind of struggling with some of these decisions. For something tells me I don't want to return home... I feel like going places... for I have no home, no family, no friends... I'm very much a lone ranger now... At work today, a new student tried to talk to me with his mouth absolutely filled with food, and so naturally I wasn't able to make out what he was trying to say. That upset me a little. Why must Hong-kongers like to talk, ask questions, etc with their mouths full of food? It's so disgusting! And halfway trying to tell me what he wanted to tell me, some grains of rice came flying out like slow-motion missiles, which made me cringe! I spoke to a friend this evening about this and she said 'we Hong-kongers have this habit of talking with food in our mouths; and looks like you're still not adjusting to our culture'. Oh well, I hope I'll never adjust to such rude manners!

After Six Years in Hong Kong...

Tuesday, 5th August 2014, 1350hrs

As of 31st July 2014, I have spent exactly six years at Chinese Mission Seminary. Life as a lecturer here in this village, under-developed (literally and metaphorically!) seminary carries plenty of the occupational hazards that would have been otherwise non-extant elsewhere. My move to this seminary in Hong Kong was, to my mind, relatively miraculous. I do not think it happened without God's leading and guidance. However, the past six years were also a way in which God has provided me an avenue to rest, to come to terms with many issues after Nat's passing, and to deal with several weaknesses in my life. Unfortunately, I must confess I failed to take this golden opportunity to deal with those weaknesses; instead, in some respects I have become worse.

Lately, or to be more specific, since between late June and early July I began communicating with a former Skype student from China. We had never met prior to that. Nor did we know how each other looked. She got in touch with me to request assistance in biblical studies, while I offered my help as per normal. However, the communication soon progressed to a more personal level that involved our feelings. This was rather strange, since I would usually be quite slow and hesitant about getting involved emotionally. What is even more amazing is that this student would also feel involved emotionally. Very soon, we began to confess our feelings, though these feelings were in very early stages.

My 'falling' for this young lady carries another issue for me. I somehow feel (yes, indeed, I feel!) that God is moving me in a way that I don't fully understand, even though at times I feel (again!) I am not going to live a very long life. We'd notice later that we're very similar in many ways - likes and dislikes, world views, habits, artistic tastes, even our speed of walking! Then I discovered she's so much like Nat - a sense of justice, a sense of mission, etc. But there're other areas she's so different from Nat. I began to wonder if God is leading me into another (and new!) relationship! It does seem strange, though, as this young lady is married. So how can God lead me into a relationship with a married lady? And of course, some people might well say that God is not and never bound by our human institutional norms. I accept that. Still I am not young. And she's 27, 25 years my junior! When she's 35, I would have been 60, and so on...

With all the above, I still accept that God can do the impossible. However, I'm not sure if her feelings for me are sustainable (and mine too!). She has already said she has concerns but isn't sure if she should express them for fear of upsetting me. For now, my concern is with finding a faculty position that allows me to read, write, research and publish. I have just submitted my application to Yonsei University, South Korea and hope the Lord will open a way for me. I have also emailed Torch Trinity, whose academic vice-president has been silent after I sent her my CV and explanation about my several moves the last ten years. So I keep my fingers crossed and await good (or bad) news. Meanwhile, Chung Yuan Christian University is also awaiting my response. What the future holds, no one knows save the gracious Lord. What I think I should do is simply trust in the guidance of the Lord while I await his timing and leading.

'Dear Lord Jesus and loving heavenly father,
I come to you in humbleness of heart, asking first for your forgiveness for the many sins I have committed. Cleanse me from all impurities and deliver me from all sinful evils. Grant that R and myself might seek to please you and that you in your own time may bring us together. Grant too, dear Lord, that my application to Yonse may be a success. Help me to glorify you always. In Jesus' name, Amen.'