Monday, 4 March 2008, 8.10am...
This morning I received an official and formal email from a college in Singapore, with the opening address as Dr Richard, which upset me. My surname is Phua, not Richard. Richard is my first name. Somehow, this seems to be increasingly getting more popular. Perhaps people who address us by our first name are trying to be friendly. But I fail to understand the rationale behind this move. After all, if one addresses a person by a title, one is being formal. Yet, by calling the person by his or her first name with the title, one is in fact insulting the person so addressed. It is equivalent to changing the surname of the person addressed! In a sense, it is no different from calling that person being addressed a bastard!
In the college where I now teach, this absurd way of addressing people is being practised. And despite the protests of a former Western colleague and a student, nothing changed. What is even more disturbing is the fact that after being told, these people refused to address us properly. Sure, by all means address those who wish to be so addressed. But once a person has expressed his or her preference to be addressed properly, the request should at least be respected! I have often expressed my willing acceptance of being addressed by my first name without the title. In other words, those who address me may freely call me by my name. But, I have insisted, if people should address me by my title, they should and indeed ought to address me by my surname!
Another reason for my insistence is that we are an educational institution. Students will follow us and do the same when they return to their homes or work places. This will not auger well for our reputation as a college. Management consulting companies will readily tell us that the right way of addressing a person by title is "title+surname". Unfortunately, too many Asian companies and leaders are simply unteachable and arrogant.
My brother told me that by insisting on being addressed properly I was making life difficult for the people. Perhaps so. I only hope that this will change over time when people will respite the very simple rule of addressing.
I do recognise the fact that I am serious in everything that I do. Perhaps this has caused unease among the people around me. Resultantly, some colleagues, past and present, are not too happy. Even when things do not concern them! For example, I have been so used to speaking proper English. But this has been an offence to a present colleague that he keeps going around rumour mongering about me speaking good English. While the fact that I speak good English is not an issue, the trivialities he injects into his rumours are certainly not welcome! In addition, since the publication of my PhD thesis, this rather idiotic colleague has been going around telling people that he has written for me my PhD thesis! What an absurd claim! He not only speaks bad English, but also writes exceptionally poor English! How can he ever write my thesis for me?!
Anyway, in every such unhappy occurrence, it is important that I seek to be gracious and magnanimous. As the saying goes, "To err is human; to forgive is divine". May I seek to be like Christ, always forgiving, even when people do not appear to deserve it.
"Dear Lord Jesus,
Forgive me my trespasses, and teach me how to forgive the trespasses of others. Help me to forgive others, and so learn to seek forgiveness from you. Amen".
