Saturday, 19th February 2011, 23:39 hrs
This week has been a busy one. Apart from work there were all kinds of news about things, people and friends. One of the most shocking news is the death of a fellow student during our days in Trinity Theological College, Singapore. Mee Hwa joined Trinity a year after me. I met her a couple of times while we were both in the Republic of Singapore Air Force, where she was an officer while I was an aircraft mechanic. We met once at the Christians' Fellowship and a couple more times, but without ever really having a chat till we met again in Trinity.
While in Trinity Mee Hwa eventually started dating a fellow student and they got married after our graduation. They went off to an Asian country; if I'm not wrong it was either Vietnam or Cambodia as missionaries. Ever since our graduation all our classmates hardly ever met again, as we were all deep into our respective ministries. I never heard about Mee Hwa, except that she had a child and later the family had to move back to Singapore as she wasn't well. That was many years ago. And the next time I heard was early this week, and the news was that she had passed away.
I cannot believe it. What do I mean by 'it'? I suppose we should not be too surprised by the passing of friends and loved ones, since life is simply so uncertain. However, it's natural that we do not quite expect someone young to die suddenly. Similarly, we are often not too surprised when we hear about a 90-year-old passing away. Still, very often when someone dies, it is not so much the death of a life alone that saddens our hearts. Oftentimes it is the loss of a relationship. That is why we do not feel so affected when someone we don't quite know passes away. For we are not related to him or her. Yes, we feel a sense of tragedy, even sorrow, when we heard of the deaths of many thousands in the Asian Tsunami in 2004 or the catastrophic earthquake in Sichuan in 2008. This sort of emotion often arises out of a sense of our common humanity and a sense of solidarity with our fellow humans elsewhere. But we are usually not directly connected, if we have no friends or relatives involved in the tragedy. Though I understand life is short, I cannot believe 'it', id est how 'transient' life is!
Indeed, as humans we are all connected. But when we are related in varying degrees we would have some emotions when news of a friend's passing reaches us. And we would react or respond differently, according to our personalities. So for example, no one in the world ever expected Natalie would pass away at such a tender age of 28, and in such a tragic manner. Even I her husband never ever thought or imagined, even now, that she would pass away at the height of her academic achievements and career, when we were so much and deeply in love, enjoying our best times together as husband and wife, and just when she was so healthy. These are some thoughts that flashed across my mind as I read the email of a friend informing me of Mee Hwa's passing.
Her husband Wai Mung, an Anglican pastor and a fellow alumnus of Trinity whom I know well too wrote a mass email this week. His sorrow no one will ever understand. I realised his email ended with a note: 'This is my last note out to you which is of this nature...', that is somehow so similar to my note to some friends after Natalie's death. I recall the depth of sorrow simply would not allow me to write again of her death. Even as I now write so briefly about Nat's death it once again cuts my heart so deeply... And so I could sense Wai Mung's loss, sorrow and sense of hopeless...
Early this trimester we heard about the sudden illness of a part-time lecturer. She was well and had just visited the States. Upon her return she started experiencing bad diarrhoea, which eventually was diagnosed to be last-stage cancer of the liver with metastasis to the intestines. She passed away in a month plus.
As I ponder over the question of life, I am reminded of what the psalmist says, 'Lord, teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom' (Psalm 90.12). A verse in the Wisdom Literature tells us that '(I)t is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting; for this is the end of everyone' (Eccl 7.2). Further a few verses down, the author of Ecclesiastes says, 'The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning...' (Eccl 2.4). We all face death, and we do so alone. We may have a loved one holding our hand as we breathe our last. Still, we do so alone and leave the one holding our hand behind. Nor can our loved one accompany us for a short distance.
Thus perhaps we all need to learn 'sorrow', for we're told 'sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of countenance the heart is made glad' (Eccl 7.3). We may wonder why 'sorrow' is better. After all, doesn't the scripture tell us to rejoice? It's necessary for us to understand that the author of Ecclesiastes refers to laughter, not joy, for laughter denotes or connotes a celebratory expression of merry-making, with wine, dance and small talk, without any depth of life. And it is only when believers visit the house of mourning, feel the sadness of fellow humans or believers, do they realise that their sorrow is only temporary and so the heart is made glad. For we realise that while the death of a person in Christ saddens our hearts, he or she in fact passes from life into death, and then from death into life. Though tears will be many, one day they will be no more.
It is when we come face to face with death, indeed through the death of a friend or a loved one, do we gather together and sorrow together, and so express our common humanity.
Though our hearts may be wrenched, we are grateful that 'Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful ones' (Psalm 116.15), and that 'he will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more,...' (Rev 21.4). Meanwhile, as we sojourn in this world our tears are stored in God's bottle, which he fully shares (Psalm 56.8). Indeed, the three verses are all concerned about sorrow and tears. They validate human pain and suffering and bring to our attention the gracious suffering of God with humanity. Psalm 116.15 speaks of God treasuring the death of believers. Some die by murder, others by war; some by illness, others by natural disaster; some by accident, others by their own hand; whatever manner in which a believer may die, the Lord cares about it. And since the Lord cares about and treasures the death of believers we who believe in the Lord must not utter anything that belittles the death of any person.
Similarly, the fact that the Lord says he will wipe away every tear from the believers' eyes at the parousia shows that sorrow and tears are God's natural endowment for humans to cope with pain and loss. But by wiping away every tear, the author of Revelation is in fact telling us that the Lord will remove the source of all mourning and crying - death and all its components such as illnesses and the like. And finally, the psalmist says the Lord has kept account of his tossings and put his tears in a bottle. We know those who have suffered major losses have difficulty falling asleep. I have personally experienced absolute insomnia in the first year of my loss, without one single night of undisturbed sleep, and subsequently many years of tossing in bed every night. This verse speaks of God being awake with us, and carefully taking note and recording our suffering. He witnesses our tears and does not reject them. Instead he keeps them in a bottle. This picture is beautiful and reflective of 'tears' as something precious and that God treasures them. Every drop of tear is not a waste and should not be wasted - thus he keeps it in a bottle.
As we encounter each day our humanity, let us turn to the God of all comfort and mercy. Before him we can pour our sorrow and cry the tears of hopelessness. For our God is a God who sorrows with us.
